A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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