this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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