If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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