I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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