Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
