Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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