I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
