I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
