the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
