In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He kissed a someone with a penis
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
