glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
