I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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