I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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