Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
