there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
