So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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