we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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