maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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