Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Of course I have a pirate flag
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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