i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
