oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
