Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
