If that was your dad, he is hot
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
