That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
