She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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