Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
