Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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