I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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