His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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