____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ttyl tear gas
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
