i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
