I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
