haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
