Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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