She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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