were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
