Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
