Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
