i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
