dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
