Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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