what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Randomize
