They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She bit a glass in half.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Congratulations! We have a period
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
