Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Where is the hickey?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
