As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
