i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
