so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
