mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
...so i touched it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
