You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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