Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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