When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What drink are we having for lunch?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
