There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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