she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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