I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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