you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
